The Procedure..

I don't know if I will lay with another man after this.... wait who am I kidding yes I will but I mean not yet, not anytime soon. This sort of had to happen I feel to shake things up for me. I was thinking maybe it's some sort of punishment why do I have to go through this? Why me and not the men that i have laid before me. I would have greatly want them to have this instead of me. But I have to go through it... I just -maybe it's the universe, God, my highest self telling me in a way that I'll listen because all the other times I didn't a My mom always told me to wait but I just thought that these men loved me... that they would love me once i open my legs, that they wanted me. It sounds so sad and silly doesn't it? Please feel pity for me because I was damaged then..