No Notifications, Just Me...

I don’t know where this started, but I thought it’d be best to just jump right into it since I’m feeling a little inspired right now. I went straight to my laptop because, well, we know these moments don’t last forever.

So here I go.

I’ve been off the mainstream socials for quite a while now — the big ones like Instagram and TikTok. I just feel like I’m not as myself there as I am here or on Tumblr. These two places have become my safety nets — spaces where I can really scream, think, and be myself.

I suppose I’m taking the necessary steps to refresh my routine. I’m going to Ireland soon ..the land of... well, I don’t know entirely, but I hope it’s completely different from America. I’m getting out, and I’m more thrilled than I’ve ever been. The countdown is on — 8 whole days until I’m in seat D43 (okay, I don’t even have my seat yet, but manifestation is a thing, right?). Eight days until I’m on the plane headed to the land of Guinness, cozy pubs, and kind people.

I’ll be documenting everything first in my journal, then typing up updates for you all. I’m so happy, can you tell? I can barely contain it. I keep trying to pack my bags, then unpacking them to rewash everything. I just want to make sure it all fits perfectly and has its place.

What have I learned these past few days without social media? Nobody hits me up, and it feels like freedom.

It’s beautiful, honestly. I have no one to check in with, and that feels peaceful. I don’t check my phone as often, and I’m no longer mindlessly scrolling. If I do need a little scroll, I go down Tumblr or YouTube reels, and after twenty minutes, I’m done. It feels so good.

I read the results from my last doctor’s appointment, and they were... scary. I haven’t gotten a call yet, but I know it’s coming. It’s not serious — but it is, at the same time. It’s made me see life from a different perspective.

The plans I once had for a family still linger, even though I don’t have a spouse. But lately, I’ve started to wonder if maybe it’s just not in the cards for me. Part of me can’t help but think, is this punishment for all the years I gave myself to men who didn’t want me the way I wanted them?

It’ll be okay. My support system is stronger than I am, and that’s what really matters. I’m scared, yes, but things can change, and they will change.

Being off social media has made me feel more comfortable in my own skin. It’s helping me learn myself better. Isn’t that crazy? Socials numb us; we forget there’s a whole world outside our screens. When I first deleted them, I panicked. I felt disconnected from everything. The sirens outside suddenly sounded louder, and I thought, How will I even know if America goes to war? But people around me watch the news, and the internet still exists, so now I actually read more. Isn’t that something?

I’ve also turned my eyes away from men. I used to be so lost in love, constantly searching for it, craving it. But now, things have shifted. I don’t need a man to find love. I can pour that energy into the things I love — writing, learning, and discovering myself.

This health scare has really shifted my perspective. And even though I’m scared, I’m also grateful. I don’t want just anyone. My last date reminded me that it’s simply not for me right now. Not this season.