Late Night

Will my mom ever be happy? I see her and I just see this unhappy child screaming for help. She is a ball of sadness. Marriage is a funny thing - why is it like this? I use to dream of being married but the idea of being with someone for eternity having them consume my whole life is so scary. I don't want that anymore. If they are sick I am sick no way. I can't live my life like that. Love use to fascinate me but growing up having my parents love isn't enough it doesn't quite fit into my standards. I'm making a promise to myself right now to never fall in love. It's only going to be and my fun adventures. My parents taught me a lot, and I'm still learning. If I were to be a mother I don't want to be broken, I don't want my child seeing me crying over a man. I want to be strong. Why is she so sad? Why can't we be enough? Were we ever enough? Now that we are adults its as if she doesn't have to deal with us anymore. I wonder if she regrets her life. If I can wave a wand and have her never have me I would in a blink of an eye. Maybe she'd turn out to love life, maybe she'd travel to all these places. Maybe she'd be a best selling author. Why did our lives turn out this way? What is Gods mission for all of us? I love my parents but what if they just don't love me as much as I thought they did.