Eggs in a Basket

Is attachment love? I often wonder this, especially when I meet someone new. On the first date, I either feel an instant connection or I force one. Whether it’s real or not, the connection is there. Some might call this unhealthy, even a bit reckless. It’s not something I do with everyone I date, but the connection feels essential when I want to continue something with someone. And often, those connections are ones I create in my mind. 

I’ve been dating for five years now, and I’ll admit- I’m the kind of person who puts all my eggs in one basket. I love the idea of love, falling for someone, getting to know them. But at first, I can be a little standoffish. Then, by the second or third date, I’m all in. But that “perfect love story” never happens. So I wonder- maybe it’s my attachment style? If I get the slightest attention, I fall hard- even if he’s not ready to catch me. 

There are plenty of books on attachment and self-love that suggest it all stems from childhood. And while part of me believes this, another part thinks it’s just a way to explain everything away. The truth is, I enjoy meeting new people and creating potential love stories in my head, even if that’s unhealthy. Five years of dating and I don’t think I’m changing anytime soon, nor do I want to. It’s thrilling, even if it doesn’t always go as planned. Maybe I don’t get my happily- ever- after, but the journey is fun. 

Last night, I went on what must be my hundredth date - but with someone new. It’s funny though, because I keep asking myself, what makes a date? We met up at The Pike, but does just meeting somewhere count as a date, or is there something else that makes it feel like one? 

We walked around the stores and strolled along the perimeter of the Pier. The night was chilly, but I felt warm from all the talking and walking we did. We didn’t stop. There were moments of silence, but they never lasted long, one question always led to another, and before I knew it, we were talking again. It felt easy, comfortable. 

After walking through every corner of the place, we found a spot to sit. We were underneath twinkling lights that hung above us, creating a cozy little bubble around us. We talked about everything- our hobbies, the things we used to do, what we’re into now, and our future dreams. Those two hours felt like an eternity, but in the best way. I didn’t want the night to end. I enjoyed his company. He’s not the “supermodel” type, but there was something about him that drew me in. Maybe it was his stories, the way he seemed genuinely engaged in what I was saying. He felt so grounded, so family-oriented. He knew where he wanted to go in life and what he was looking for. It was refreshing. The conversation flowed without effort, and by the time I left, I had a smile on my face. 

Later, I thought about why I felt so drawn to him- maybe it was the attention he gave me, the way he listened. But so what? It was nice to feel heard and seen. For once no expectations were hanging over the night. I left feeling lighter, hopeful, and surprisingly content. 

Dating apps can be overwhelming, especially when I battle with my inner thoughts. Should I be giving the same level of attention to others as I am to him? Or should I focus solely on him, because that’s what usually happens? I tend to forget that dating apps become irrelevant once I meet someone in person. After just one meeting, I’ve already invested emotionally, putting all my eggs into one basket. I always hope those eggs won’t hatch, but somehow they always do, and I never seem to learn my lesson. 

Here I am again, carefully picking my eggs and placing them in a basket, cushioning them with hope, trying to protect myself from potential heartache. But deep down, I know that pain always seems to find a way in. 

I’m hopeful that we’ll talk again in person soon. He made me feel comfortable- something that often happens on the first date, but it felt different this time. He listened to me. I’m unsure about what he’s looking for, but I know that asking directly tends to complicate things, bringing expectation and the potential for disappointment. 

I tell myself I’ll take it slow and avoid getting physically involved, and I’m determined to stick to that. But let’s see how long I can hold onto that resolve.

-M