Changing My Mind (again) - September 22

It’s kind of scary how quickly I change my mind.

A few weeks ago, I swore I wanted to be a dental hygienist. So, I got the ball rolling. I signed up for classes faster than you can say… fuck.

Now it’s the fourth week of the semester, and I’ve already missed the drop deadline. So if I decide not to continue down this path, I’ll have to take the “W” on my transcript.

And I ask myself—why do I keep doing this?

Honestly, it’s been like this since 2015. I can’t seem to stick to just one thing. First, dental hygiene, then I thought nursing might be a better fit. That idea lasted about two days—until I had a five-minute meeting with a counselor during drop-in hours. It felt rushed and surface-level. She hit me with the usual:

“Nursing is competitive."

“Are you ready to commit?”

“It’s a lot of money.”

“Are you really serious?”

I walked out thinking... I don’t even know what my plan is. Isn’t that why I came in?

I’ve probably changed my major at least twenty times.

Sometimes I think if I don’t get a degree, I’ll never amount to anything. But maybe it’s that exact mindset that’s keeping me stuck in this loop.

At the end of the day, I just want to do something I love. But here’s the thing—I struggle with the things I love.

I love to write, but I barely make time for it. I love yoga, but I don’t practice consistently.I love being outside and exploring, but I hardly ever do that either.

I keep praying to God for guidance. And maybe... maybe deep down I already know what I want—I’m just too afraid to say it out loud. Too afraid to actually do something about it.

It would be rad to get a degree—mostly just to say I have one. To prove something to myself. To show other people.

But then I ask: Does that really matter? When I’m older, will it really matter?

It’s a scary feeling—not knowing if I’m making the right moves. Not knowing if I’m just wasting time. But maybe these aren’t mistakes. Maybe they’re just redirections.

I have to stop comparing my life to everyone else’s. I have to live it my own way—after all, it’s mine.

Have you ever changed your mind so many times that you started to wonder if you'll ever figure it out?

- Marihanna